More Respect From Your Kids?
Sometimes all kids — even the most who are well-behaved and respectful on the earth will one day say something rude and disrespectful words to you. It can happen at every age and stage of childhood. Children react abhorrently without thinking for one second who they are actually speaking to, and that is the problem.
“You cannot talk to me in that way, I’m your mother, ” and “That isn’t how we speak to people,” and “You need to learn to respect your mom and dad.” It seemed to work for a little, but then it would happen again, and you would be left thinking, “What kind of awful children I’m raising? It’s like they don’t even see us as people.”
Because they don’t, and that was precisely the problem why they don’t have a respect.
When we react to this kind of misbehavior, we are always referred to ourselves as “Mom and Dad.” In a way, we were reducing ourselves to simply being a specific “role.” I was the “mom” you couldn’t talk to like that, and he was the “dad.”
But don’t forget the fact that, we are constantly talking about ourselves in role-speak only to our children. We all know, mom and dad roles are the most important roles we will ever play in our lives, but to a child? What do the kids think about our roles? To their small minds it just means that we provide shelter, dinner, clothes, rides to school, dance practice, baseball practice, and all that other stuff that “moms” and “dads” just do every day without complaints. Your children probably have never really seen you in a role as anything else, except as parents, there’s a great chance they don’t even realize that long ago you were mom or dad, you were still a whole person.
So next time, try something new, and things instantly will start to change you will get the respect you deserve.
The very next time your kid says at you in a disrespectful and rude manner, your husband should say, “You cannot talk to my wife like that.”
You could almost see the flicker of “Huh?” “What my dad just said?”Wait, she’s someone’s wife? But that’s my mom! The lady who knows I like the crust on my sandwiches and can always find my lost socks. How is she someone’s wife, and what does that even mean?
In that second you will instantly become more human to them. And that fact alone meant you not only demanded more respect, you also deserved it. The kids will eventually learn that you are something other than a mom, someone’s most important everything in the world. To your man.
Once that fact had a chance to set in — that a child was capable of inadvertently bullying their own mom — and that moms aren’t made of Teflon or immune to hurt, they finally understood.
They’ve come to realize that below the surface of teachers, coaches, waitresses, and every other adult they encounter and have interactions with, there are actual people, and those people are simply not just roles and jobs. They are humans who are loved and cherished by other people, and we are called to love them in the very same way.
So the next time your child responds hurtfully to you and your husband, or friend or sister or anyone else is in earshot, have them stand up for you. Change the “You can’t talk to your mom like that” into “You can’t talk to my wife/friend/sister like that,” and then watch as you magically turn into a real person right before their eyes. A real person who deserves their respect. It’s a simple, powerful step.